A Blog For Mums
If you’ve ever paced the hallway at 2 a.m. with a baby who’s wide awake and determined to stay that way, you’ll know the feeling of desperation that creeps in. With both of my children, there came a point where I knew something had to change — for their sake and mine. That’s when I looked into the Ferber Method.
I’ll be honest: sleep training can be a controversial topic. Some swear by it, others wouldn’t dream of trying it. I’m not here to tell you it’s the only way — it isn’t — but I am going to share what it actually involves and how it worked for our family. Twice.
The Ferber Method was developed by Dr Richard Ferber, a paediatric sleep specialist. It’s sometimes called “graduated extinction” or “progressive waiting,” but in simple terms it’s a way of teaching babies to self-soothe by letting them fuss or cry for short, gradually increasing periods before going in to comfort them.
The idea isn’t to abandon your baby. Quite the opposite — you’re still there, still checking in, still offering reassurance. But instead of responding immediately to every cry, you give them a little space to learn how to settle themselves.
For us, it promised two big benefits:
We’ve used the method twice — once with our eldest and again with our youngest — and we followed the same routine each time.
First, we made sure bedtime was calm and predictable. Bath, fresh nappy, pyjamas, a quiet cuddle, then bed. The consistency really matters — it’s the baby’s cue that it’s time for sleep.
Once they were in the cot, we didn’t pick them up again unless there was a genuine need (illness, dirty nappy, hunger after midnight). The first night went like this:
When we went in, we kept it short and gentle. We’d stroke their head and back, say their name, then:
“It’s time to go to sleep now darling. Night night, sleep tight. I love you.”
We’d give them a kiss on the head, then leave.
No lingering, no rocking, no “just one more cuddle.” The whole point is to reassure without undoing the progress they’re making in learning to drift off themselves.
If either baby woke before midnight, we repeated the Ferber process. After midnight, we counted it as a feed — then it was straight back to bed, using the same short, calm check-ins if needed.
Any wake-up after 5 a.m.? That was morning. No point battling for more sleep if their body clock had already decided the day had started.
I won’t sugar-coat it — the first night is tough.
Night two was much better — 25 minutes for baby one and just 15 minutes for baby two.
By night three, we were down to 15 minutes with our eldest and five minutes with our youngest. By night four, there was barely a whimper. In both cases, the transformation was incredible — they went from struggling to settle to going down calmly and sleeping longer stretches.
One of the biggest misconceptions about the Ferber Method is that it’s the same as “cry it out” — where you put your baby down, close the door, and don’t come back until morning. That’s not what we did, and it’s not what Ferber teaches.
With this method, you do go in at set intervals to offer comfort. Your baby hears your voice, feels your touch, and knows you’re still there. The difference is that you’re giving them the space to figure out how to fall asleep without you rocking, feeding, or holding them until they’re out cold.
It’s gradual. It’s structured. And while it can feel hard in the moment, it’s a short-term process with long-term rewards.
Of course, not everyone feels comfortable with any kind of sleep training. Some worry it could cause emotional harm, or that it’s too distressing for the baby. I completely understand those concerns — I had them myself.
The research I read before trying it reassured me that, when done correctly, there’s no evidence it causes lasting harm. The crying is temporary and usually short-lived. In our experience, our babies were happier during the day once they were getting more rest at night — and so were we.
That said, it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution. If it feels wrong for you, or if your baby isn’t responding well after several nights, it’s perfectly fine to stop and try something else.
Just be aware that those piercing screams are not pain, they are not fear, they are anger. They are your baby telling you off for not lulling them to sleep as they are used to. Provided they are fed, not too hot or cold, and not ill, they will stop, and they will learn understand that going to sleep is something they need to do for themselves.
Looking back, a few things really helped:
The Ferber Method won’t be right for everyone, but for us, it worked — and it worked quickly. Both our children went from fighting bedtime to settling themselves happily within days, and our nights became much more peaceful.
If you’re considering it, know that it’s not about leaving your baby to cry alone. It’s about teaching them a valuable skill — how to fall asleep on their own — while still letting them know you’re there.
And if you decide it’s not for you? That’s fine too. There’s no “right” way to do this parenting thing — only the way that works for your family.
Sleep
