A Blog For Mums
Losing an unborn child can be an emotionally devastating experience. I have been through it several times myself, and while some women can move on quickly, I struggled for months.
Whether planned or unplanned, the loss of a pregnancy can evoke a confusing cocktail of complex emotions, ranging from profound grief and emptiness to guilt, fear, and isolation.
It can impact your relationship too, as your other half is also grieving and has no idea how to help and support you.
If you have gone through a miscarriage, firstly, I want to say I’m sorry. We are told it is common, but that doesn’t help when it is happening to you, especially since no one seems to talk openly about it.
There is help available though, and lots of advice on how to get through the difficult months after receiving such crushing news. This guide aims to provide solace and support for women navigating the emotional trauma that often accompanies miscarriage.
In the aftermath of a miscarriage, it is natural to experience a kaleidoscope of emotions that can be overwhelming and unpredictable.
From shock and disbelief to profound sadness and anger, these feelings are valid and deserve recognition.
It is essential to understand that there is no “right” way to grieve, and each individual’s emotional journey is unique.
That said, there are a lot of commonly reported emotions that women feel.
For many, the loss of an unborn child can trigger a profound sense of grief, akin to the loss of a loved one. This grief may stem from the loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations that accompanied the pregnancy.
The physical and emotional emptiness that follows can be particularly poignant, leaving individuals feeling disconnected from their identity as a parent or potential parent.
You might need time alone. That’s fine. Explain your needs to your partner and take the time you need to grieve.
It is not uncommon for individuals to experience feelings of guilt or self-blame after a miscarriage. The irrational belief that one’s actions or inactions may have contributed to the loss can be a heavy burden to bear.
You have to remember that in most cases, miscarriages occur due to factors beyond one’s control, and placing blame on oneself is unwarranted and counterproductive.
This is not your fault. It is not anybody’s fault. It’s just an awful thing that has happened and you could have done nothing to prevent it.
The loss of a pregnancy can also trigger intense feelings of fear and anxiety, particularly regarding future pregnancies. The fear of experiencing another miscarriage or complications can be overwhelming, and it can make you reluctant to try again.
These feelings are completely understandable, and you shouldn’t pressure yourself to try again any sooner than you are ready. Just know that, provided there is nothing medically wrong with you, there is every chance that your next pregnancy will work out just fine.
Witnessing others’ successful pregnancies or the birth of their babies can evoke feelings of jealousy and resentment, even towards loved ones. While these emotions may be challenging to confront, it is important to recognize their validity and seek understanding and support from those around you.
I would be careful who you share these feelings with – for example if your best friend has a baby it might not be wise to tell them you feel jealous – but it’s important to air them with a trustworthy person who won’t judge you.
You are not a bad person for feeling like this. It may be irrational, but it is also totally normal, and it will pass.
While the emotional ups and downs following a miscarriage can be arduous, there are various coping strategies that can provide solace and facilitate the healing process.
Grief is a natural and necessary part of the healing process, and it is essential to allow yourself to fully experience and express your emotions.
Suppressing or denying your feelings can prolong the grieving process and hinder your ability to move forward.
Many individuals find comfort in creating a special way to remember their unborn child, such as planting a tree, releasing balloons, or holding a small ceremony.
These acts of commemoration can provide a sense of closure and acknowledgment of the profound loss experienced.
However you are feeling after your miscarriage, please try to remember that you are not alone. Reaching out to loved ones, joining support groups, or seeking professional counseling can provide a safe space to share your feelings and receive invaluable support and understanding. Thousands of women go through the same feelings you are experiencing, and many of them want to help. So reach out.
During times of emotional distress, self-care should be a priority. Engage in activities that bring you comfort and joy, maintain a balanced diet, and prioritize adequate rest and relaxation. Remember, caring for your emotional well-being is crucial for the healing process, it is like medicine for your mind. Be kind to yourself.
If you have a partner, open and honest communication about your feelings and experiences can strengthen your relationship and provide mutual support during this challenging time. Remember that each individual may grieve differently, and it is important to respect and validate each other’s emotions. He might not be going through the same physical and hormonal difficulties as you, but he will be just as upset.
If you ask me, everyone should seek support for the emotional complexities of a miscarriage. I did, and it lessened the burden immensely.
I also recognise that people find reaching out difficult or uncomfortable though, so no pressure. All I will say is that all sorts of different help is out there if you want it.
Since so many women go through miscarriage, there is plenty of support available, and some of the options are listed below.
Counseling and therapy can provide a safe and supportive environment to explore and process your emotions. A trained professional can offer valuable coping strategies and techniques to help you manage grief, anxiety, and other emotional challenges.
This is ideal for anyone who isn’t comfortable in large groups, or doesn’t feel they can fully open up with people close to them.
Joining a support group can be an invaluable resource for those who have experienced a miscarriage. These groups offer a sense of community and understanding, as well as the opportunity to connect with others who have endured similar losses.
Support groups are a place where everyone will have had similar experiences, so you can share stories, feelings and experiences among peers, and provide mutual support for each other. You might even make new friends.
In some cases, the emotional impact of a miscarriage can lead to more severe mental health concerns, such as depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). If you are experiencing persistent and overwhelming emotional distress, it is essential to seek professional help from a mental health professional.
There is plenty of reading material out there about this sort of thing, but if you really aren’t coping well, professional help is better sooner than later.
Trying for another baby after a miscarriage might feel like the last thing you want to do. But after some time, you may decide that’s the right move for you.
Medical professionals often recommend waiting at least one menstrual cycle before attempting to conceive, allowing the body time to heal physically and emotionally. However, the right time can vary for each individual or couple, depending on their emotional readiness and physical health.
If you do get pregnant again, staying calm during this period can be challenging. The first 12 weeks are especially fraught with anxiety, but several strategies can help.
Talking often with your partner about feelings and fears can strengthen resolve and provide mutual support, as well as offering reassurance that you are a team. Practicing mindfulness techniques, such as meditation or yoga, can also help manage anxiety and promote emotional well-being. Additionally, focusing on self-care—whether through exercise, hobbies, or spending time with loved ones—can create a positive environment for a new pregnancy.
Good luck.
Self Care and Health