A Blog For Mums
Many families end up with at least two children sharing a bedroom at some point, usually because the house simply isn’t built for every child to have four walls of their own. And honestly, it can be lovely.
There’s something very sweet about siblings falling asleep in the same room, whispering to each other in that way that makes you want to pause outside the door and listen. But shared bedrooms also come with the predictable soundtrack of “that’s mine!”, “stop touching my stuff!”, and “Muuuuum, she’s annoying me”. The room itself becomes the battleground when what they really need is a sense that they both belong there.
The trick is giving each child personal space without needing an extra bedroom. And that looks very different for younger children than it does for older ones. Their needs shift, their personalities grow, and the room has to grow with them.
Younger children don’t usually ask for personal space in words, but they ask for it in other ways: clinging to certain objects, arranging their treasures in very particular ways, and getting disproportionately upset when a sibling wanders too close. They don’t need a grand redesign. They just need the room to reflect the idea that they’re both equally important in it.
One of the simplest things you can do is carve out tiny pockets that feel like “their bit”. It’s never about drawing a line across the carpet. Those lines will be stepped over both physically and emotionally within minutes. Instead, it’s more about choosing a couple of things around their bed or in their corner that only they use. Sometimes that’s:
Children this age love predictability, and giving them designated spots helps prevent that muddle where everyone’s belongings end up in one big heap and suddenly no one can remember who owns what.
Their little collections matter, too. If those things don’t have a safe place, you can guarantee they’ll get mixed up. Giving each child a small, dedicated home for their treasures — a tin, a pouch, a tiny shelf — makes a big difference. It offers that quiet reassurance that even though the room is shared, the things that matter most to them are protected.
You can also give them a small say in how their bit of the room looks. This is the age where choosing their duvet cover can feel like a life-changing decision. A picture above their bed or a small toy display they’re allowed to arrange helps them feel rooted. Little choices really do go a long way.
Shared items need shared homes, or children will invent ownership on the spot. A central basket of books or one soft-toy shelf gives them a clear message that some things belong to both of them. It doesn’t eliminate arguments, but it does soften them.
And then there’s bedtime. No beautifully organised room will stop two small children from encouraging each other’s wild side the moment you leave. Routines are the secret weapon here. A staggered approach can make evenings calmer:
What matters most at this stage is helping them feel part of the same team, but not the same person. Once that’s in place, the room feels calmer almost overnight.
As they grow, the entire dynamic of a shared bedroom changes. This is the stage where personal space becomes much more than a cute idea; it becomes something they genuinely need. Older children want corners to retreat to, shelves for their hobbies, and the freedom to shape their own side of the room.
One of the best things you can do is let them arrange their side their way. Even small freedoms mean a lot. It might be:
Giving them control over their own area can reduce arguments massively, because the space starts to reflect who they are rather than who they’re sharing with.
Privacy becomes important too. Most of us don’t have bedrooms big enough for anything dramatic, but small touches still help. A curtain around the top bunk, a tall bookcase between two beds, or even a low screen by a desk can change the feel of the whole room. It gives them somewhere to hide when they need quiet, which older kids value more than they ever admit out loud.
Involving them in the bigger decisions also makes things run more smoothly. Not every choice has to be up for discussion, but asking for their opinions builds a sense of fairness. It might be as simple as:
Clear boundaries help at this age too. It doesn’t have to be a long list — in fact, simple rules tend to work better. Things like not touching what’s on the other person’s desk, or using headphones after a certain time, protect their personal space without turning the room into a battleground.
And then there’s identity. Older children don’t want matching spaces. They want to express who they are, and a couple of thoughtful touches can give them exactly that. A shelf for their collections, a pinboard for photos, a place to keep their hobbies out on display — these things help them feel like the room includes them, not just their belongings.
What it all comes down to is this: younger children need reassurance and clear little spots to call their own. Older children need breathing room and the chance to shape their space. A shared bedroom can absolutely offer both, as long as the room grows with them. When it does, the bickering softens, the personalities shine through, and the room starts to feel like something they’re sharing because it works for them, not just because the house demands it.
Parenthood Sleep
